Well, the Arthur remake was just as bad as I expected, although for more reasons than I originally anticipated. After months of hearing some of the writers and comedians I respect grumbling about what a bad idea the remake was, I finally gave in and watched the original and agreed with almost all of them instantly. Arthur simply isn’t a movie that should be remade. Not only is it a product of its time, but the way the story and the dialog is put together snaps unlike most movies these days. Simply read some of the deleted scenes writer Ken Levine put up on his blog (found here and here) and you’ll see why, even if you’ve never seen the original (although that certainly helps).
The state of Arthur got me to thinking… what other movies shouldn’t be remade? We know as far as the money-grubbing executives are concerned, nothing is holy, but if there were movies that should never be remade, what would they be? Here are ten that pop to my mind right off the bat…
The Wizard of Oz – The classic MGM version may deviate from the original story, but the performances and songs are so memorable, I can’t imagine anyone thinking it’s a good idea to take this on. Other versions of Baum’s actual story… sure, but not a remake of the musical.
Gone with the Wind – I know plenty of critics who don’t appreciate this one and would probably agree with me on the basis that they’d hate to sit through it again. For me, there’s a wonderful balance of sweeping romance and epic history that was better done in the confines of the sound stage. A contemporary retelling might push for a more graphic reality, pushing harder on the history but distancing audiences more interested in the romance. Besides, Scarlett showed that these characters were best left alone.
Casablanca – If I have one on my list that I’m the most “iffy” about, this is it. I love Bogart and Bergman, and the speech at the end of the movie is the “stuff dreams are made of” (I know, I know, wrong Bogey flick), so I hope it never gets remade, but I think there are parts of the movie that could be improved upon – the less iconic moments that most people forget about until they rewatch this classic.
It’s a Wonderful Life – The combination of Frank Capra’s idealism with the story of George Bailey is lightning in a bottle, never to be captured on film as successfully again. Besides, a remake would just mean even more of the movie being shown around the holidays.
The Godfather – Yes, there are some moments that could probably be improved upon, but the look and feel of the original is so iconic that you could never replace it. The (at times) meditative pacing would probably be tossed aside in hopes of getting just that much more gunfire and explosions in. Fuhgettaboutit.
Star Wars – This means you George! No bloody 3-D, Special Editions, Extra-Special Editions, Enhanced Editions, or new editions with the New Kids on the Block. Just leave us with the movies we fell in love with, pure and simple.
Close Encounters of the Third Kind – I can only imagine what contemporary executives would do to this story. Roy would be traumatized by his visions to a point of utmost insanity (instead of the fine line he walks) and the aliens would wind up attacking or the abductees would be probed mercilessly. Throw in Megan Fox for no good reason (it worked so well for Jonah Hex) and you’ve got a hit – not!
The Goonies – Another film that succeeds not only for the unlikely combination of cast and crew, but also because of being a product of its time. Studios today would meddle too much and try to make a formulaic franchise out of this story, as well as watering down the bad guys. Goonies never say die… or remake!
The Princess Bride – Not the only Rob Reiner movie that came to mind while compiling this list (Stand By Me is a close contender as well), Reiner got the fairy-tale feel perfect here, framed by a dated but lovely grandfather-grandson relationship. If anyone wants to recapture this magic, do it by finding another awesome story to adapt (similar to Stardust).
The Shawshank Redemption – This really goes for any combination of Frank Darabont and Steven King (yes, even The Mist, but only if you watch it in black and white). I maintain that Shawshank may very well be an absolute perfect film, with every element at its best: the cinematography, the soundtrack, the direction, the performances, and the script, all in perfect tandem to tell a story that elates and depresses. What more can you ask for from a cinematic experience?
What movies can you think of that studios should never force audiences to suffer through a remake of?
